Last Five Best Books

Readings:

Exodus  24,  3-8,  We will do everything that the Lord has told us.

Psalm 116,    I will take the cup of salvation, and call on the name of the Lord.

Hebrews 9, 11-15,   He is mediator of the new covenant.

 Mark  14, 12-16, 22-26, While they were eating, he took bread and said the blessing.

The Wedding of Sarah & Beth (Rosemary's niece), Saturday, Mechanicsburg, PA, United Church of Christ, with ministers Karen and John, plus about 200 friends and supporters.

Todays readings talk about God’s love for his people, in Exodus about Moses and in Mark about Jesus’ expressions of love with his friends.  The words of Jesus (“This is my body”; “this is my blood)” were an established ritual formula repeated in early Christian gatherings as part of their remembrance of Jesus and the Passover he shared with them before he died.  Mark’s Gospelwas the first, written about 25-30 years after Jesus’ death.  Even before Mark, Paul was writing in his letters about our being the body of Christ and about our being intimately united with him.

In the homily I want to take this opportunity to talk some about special human relationships, couples in partnership or marriage.  

Two very hospitable ministers, Karen & John.  Note the bare feet, out of reverence for the sanctuary.

Homily:   Last Sunday Stack talked about relationship and how Christian theology refers to God one, and yet as Father, Son and Holy Spirit, three persons in relationship.  After I planned to talk about Corpus Christi today, I spent over 8 hours yesterday at a workshop with over 200 couples.  Most of them were married couples married anywhere from only 4 months to 45 years; some were engaged. The event is called “Safe  Conversation” and is led by Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt.  

It is based on the new science of couple relationships or marriage.  

1)  Brain science:  At the time scientists had already mapped out the known world on the outside, Sigmund Freud was mapping out the inner world, the human mind and the unconscious.  His emphasis was on the individual.  It wasn’t till the 1990’s that neuroscientists began to map the brain and better understand its workings, especially the notion of neuroplasticity, that the brain is changeable by means of the thoughts we run through it.  

The brain has a ‘mind of its own’.   The lower/primitive brain (brain stem) is in place to protect and defend (like a crocodile).  Anxiety and fear are triggered when any  danger is sensed.  Can order production of cortisol and adrenalin to help protect and defend, and from which we can experience fear and anxiety.  The higher/newer brain (frontal cortex) is in place to think and analyze, cooperate and create (like a wise owl).   Can order production of endorphins, dopamine from which we can experience joy.  

                                                          Leo, the candle lighter at work.

2)  Marriage research: We now know you can’t effectively help a couple in relationship by trying to ‘fix’ one of partners; rather, must provide healing work on the space between the partners, the relationship behaviors themselves.  We also know that negativity is a high predictor of relationship distress and of risk for divorce. Negativity is a natural stage of relationship, when we wake up and find out our partner is different from us or doesn’t match our ideal dream partner.

3)  Safe Conversation:  The key component, which anyone can learn, is to practice ‘safe conversation’ again and again and again and again.  Safe conversation provides what it implies, safety.  It calms the crocodile and reduces negativity.  It does this through the structure of the conversation. This allows the couple to again experience deep joy and aliveness as they did in the first stage of their relationship.

Question:   Are you up to date on the new science of relationship?  And How are you at eliminating negativity in your relationships? These couple workshops are provided currently with no fee, and include childcare and breakfast and lunch.  In addition there are child and teen programs offered at the same time so families are on same page in the process. Stack posted information on the last two workshops in his blog.I don’t know when the next one will be, but I invite you to look at their  web site – www.familywellnessdallas.org