Sunday Homily, June 19, 2016, 12th Sunday Ordinary Time


Joe & Clare 1

Welcome to our marvelous community, Clare & Joe, from Hilton Head.   Clare is Rosemary's sister (but not her twin sister).  

 

Readings:                          

Zechariah   12,  10-11, 13, 1, I pour out on the house of David a spirit of grace.

Psalm 63,  My soul is thirsting for you, O Lord my God.

Galatians 3, 26-29,     Through faith you are all children of God

Luke 9, 18-24,  If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily.

  Gen 6

 

Genevieve, too, not to be outdone in hospitality, says, "Hi, Joe & Clare.  Welcome.  And Welcome, Everybody."

 

Zecheria observations : 

Who:  
one of the 12 minor prophets.  Why?  Small work.  Only 14 little chapters.  Vs the Big 3, who have chapters numbering into the 60’s.  Zecharia is really the author of this work.

Time:  
post Babylonian Captivity, therefore, after 555 before Christ.  How do we know?  Reference is made to Darius, the king of the Persians.

Content:  
part 1 involves visions about the restoration of Jerusalem.  Part 2, our part, talks about future prosperity.  Maybe a slightly forgetable book.  I have not one line highlighted in my bible.

Sources: Good News Bible, Wikipedia

 

Kevin 1

 

Kevin, also, says, "Welcome in, Joe & Clare, and Welcome, Everybody?

 

 

Deny Myself and Take up a Cross Daily

This morning I would like to talk about this notion of taking up my cross daily.   Every time I hear this it creeps me out.  It is so depressing and gloomy.  I have known people who have followed this scrupulously and they were not happy.  In fact, I could describe them as psychologically infirm.

I think there was some of this in my original decision to enter the Jesuits to be a priest in 1958.

 

 

Brandon 3

 

Our Professional Candle Lighter of The Week, Brandon.

 

Certainly in those early years of Jesuit training, we practiced this.  We took up the cross daily.  We lived in silence most of the time, worked hard on the beautiful Jesuit farm at Grand Coteau, and we never went back to our original homes, even for Christmas or weddings.   A really regimented monastic life, up at 5:00, lights out at 10:00, every day, month after month, year after year.

Times have certainly changed since Vatican II and I have obviously changed.  I think there is a healthy way to understand taking up one's cross.  I have three positive comments.

 

 

Team 2

 

Buddy, Is that a little mouse admiring you?

 

First, it can be a invitation or a challenge to  self-improvement.  I see a lot of this every morning I go to work out at the Jewish Community Center.  These people are healthy and not depressed.

Secondly, the self-improvement involves obvious things, like the big three:

          Healthy eating, that is, watch out for salt, sugar, and fat or butter, the major seducer ingredients of fast food places, like McDonald’s.

 

 

Tori-Hannah 2

 

Hannah, who is that loving up on you?

 

          Exercise, that is, keep moving.  2 a days are coming for high school football players.  You want to see self discipline?  27 days from now I will join 15 thousand other wakos to ride across Iowa in a week, about 500 miles.  I’m exercising, getting in shape.  

I know a couple here who will remain nameless, who when the husband was discovered to have the beginning of Diabetes 2, he decided to eat healthy and exercise.  He did it, lost a good bit of extra weight, and controlled his diagnosis.   Following his example, his wife joined him and she, too, lost weight and got into shape.  

 

Torri-Hannah

 

Folks, that seems to be Victoria who loves Hannah.

 

 

          Thirdly, taking breaks, days off, vacation periods.  A day off a week
or 3 once a month.   Contemplate and reflect during the breaks.  Contemplate what?  My blessings & gifts & joys.  Number one, number two, and on.

The final comment, the goal of all this discipline & self-improvement?     Be fully alive.  This is what it means to take up a cross in a healthy way. 

Where are you being invited by God to become more fully alive?

 

Gen 5

Sez Genevieve, "Is it not my turn to play that guitar?"

 

 

 

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  • Sunday Homily, August 4, 2019, 18th Ordinary Time

     

    IMG_8190

     

    From Jim & John, "Welcome in, Everybody." 

     

    Readings:

    Ecclesiastes, 1,2; 2, 21-23,  Pretty pessimistic.  Author having a bad day?

    Psalm 90, If today you hear his voice, harden not you hearts.  

    Colossians 3, 1-5, 9-11,  Think of what is above, not of what is on earth

    Luke 12, 13-21,  There was a rich man

     

    IMG_8201

     

    So good to have you back, Dee, especially looking so good.

     

    The First reading from Ecclesiastes reminds us that when a person passes he or she can’t take any of their worldly things with them.

    Our Second reading from Paul’s Letter to the Colossians reminds us that greed is idolatry; for it is a love of wealth; rather than a love of God.

     

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    Good Morning, Patricia!

     

    Homily on the Gospel reading:

     

    Here in Chapter 12 of Luke, a nondescript man comes to Jesus seeking a favorable decision regarding some inheritance that he is hoping to receive from his older brother. Jesus used this event to address the crowd with the wisdom to be on guard against all forms of greed.

     

    IMG_8240

     

     

    Watch out for this crazy guy, Everybody.  I knew him way back when he was a nice little high school, kid.

     

    Following Jesus’ advice the older brother has put their extended family in mind.  He will not allow himself or his younger brother to fail in their responsibility to put their extended family ahead of their desire for possessions.   The older brother had taken a course of action to enhance the harvest from their father’s land.

     

    IMG_8251

     

     

    Three of the Candle Lighting Team, Zoe, Tori, & Georgie.

     

    Now, there is nothing more in Luke’s chapter 12 about the relationship between the younger man and his older brother; however Luke has no intention of forgetting about them!  Each of the gospels form two complementary stories.   We will encounter the brothers again in a chapter 15! There, the younger son said to his father, “give me the share of the inheritance that would come to me.  The father divided the inheritance between them…and a few days later the younger brother took his inheritance with him to a foreign land where he squandered it on riotous living.

     

    IMG_8254

     

     

    Mike homilizing on the Luke gospel.

     

    Recall that when the prodigal son came home asking to be forgiven, the story did not end. Is there a story like this in your immediate family? Harden not your hearts.

     

     

    IMG_8182

     

    Married life: carry your cross??

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Sunday Homily, November 25, 2012, Christ the King

     Readings:  

     Daniel  7, 13-14,   His dominion is an everlasting dominion.

    Psalm 93,   The Lord is King, He is robed in majesty.

    Revelations 1, 5-8,   Behold, his coming amid the clouds.

    John 18, 33-37,  Are you the king of the Jews? 

                                                                                                                   

    Today we celebrate the last Sunday of the liturgical year with the Feast of Christ, King of the Universe. Pope Pius XI proclaimed this Feast Day in 1925 to counter the increasing nationalism and secularism of his time. The Christian religion and the church seemed to be losing ground to modern secular movements. As we’ve seen before and since, the Vatican tends to overreact, in this case by condemning so much of what was new in the world.

    As if in counterpoint, Jesus, in today’s Gospel reading, redefines the title of ‘king’ as being witness to the truth.

     

    A few words about today’s readings from Daniel and Revelations.

    Daniel is considered by some to be the 4th major prophet, after Isaiah,
    Jeremiah and Ezechial. However, his book has only 14 chapters and most don’t place him with the big three.

    Daniel describes events during the Babylonian captivity, about 600-550 BC. The book was probably compiled as late as the 2nd century BC during the rebellion against Greek ruler Antiochus IV.

    Authors were probably at least 3, since parts are written in Hebrew, Aramaic and a little in Greek. The book is rich in symbolism similar to Book of Revelation. Its most famous stories are about Shadrack, Meshack and Abednego, thrown with Daniel into the fiery furnace, and the story of Daniel thrown into the lion’s den.

     

    The Book of Revelation is the final book in the New Testament, written in Greek. Modern scholars think the book was written by an unknown author who was given the name John of Patmos to increase the authority of the book.

    As to when it was written: most say about 95 AD/CE during the persecution by the Roman Emperor Domitian, others say earlier during the persecution of the Roman Emperor Nero. In either case the book describes in dramatic allegory the battle between good and evil, with good winning out in the end.

     

    Homily by John Cade

    Jesus said: “My kingdom does not belong to this world.”

    Especially in the gospels of Mark, Matthew and Luke, Jesus gives umpteen descriptions of what the kingdom he proclaims as already present is all about.   And its not about lording it over others or about vengeance or greed or that place called ‘it’s all about me’.   It’s about the simple things children do naturally, like giving themselves fully to each moment,
    knowing what they like, giving and sharing (like Leo freely shared a bus with Cole a couple Sundays ago), receiving and taking graciously/joyfully, asking for what they need or want, and knowing how to say No to what they don’t need or want.

     These simple things are a stumbling block for many since they don’t seem big enough or important enough or memorable enough to count for a lot.

     

    In Mark, Matthew and Luke there is the parable of the people bringing little children up to Jesus and Jesus’ friends trying to stop them. And then Jesus saying, “Let the little children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children.”

    Every time I am with my grandsons I learn more about what it means to be real and connected with others. They are real and connect with me instinctively. Like Freddie clamoring for me, his Papou, asking me to be a ‘monster’ and chase him, later, as he and we are enjoying his birthday cake, calling me by my name, John, later asking me to be the one who puts him down for a nap and tell him a story as he snuggles in my lap, later still playing with me with his new toy train.

     

    The question I leave us with today is twofold: what do we learn from the children around us? And how does what we learn help us live in the kingdom Jesus says is here?

     

     

  • Sunday Homily, February 8, 2015, 5th Ordinary Time, B cycle

    February 8, 2015, 5th Ordinary Time

    Readings:

    Job  7, 1-7,  Is not man’s life on earth a drudgery?

    Psalm 147,    Praise the Lord, who heals the broken hearted.

    1 Corinthians 9, 16-25,   I have made myself a slave to all.

     Mark 1, 29-39,   They brought to him all who were ill or possessed by demons.

     

     

    Leo 2

    Leo says, "Hi, Folks, welcome in, we got cupcakes."

     

    Job 0bservations:

    What: A comment on The Universe.  No book in the OT or NT has less known about it.  Called the most profound book of the OT.    It deals with the problem of evil, personal justification, and why bad things happen to good people.   Job himself could be historical, a literary creation, or a combination of the first two.

    Author: Unknown. 

     

    Vivian

    Vivian says, "Hi, Folks, and thanks for the cupcake. Even though I am not quite here yet, I already love cupcakes." Ask her mom, Bethany.

     

    Date: It is guessed to be before the time of Moses and Egypt, i.e., earlier than 1300 before Christ.

    Structure: 3 poetic dialogues preceded by a prose introduction and ending with a prose conclusion, an epilogue judged to have been added sometime later by another person or group of persons.

     

    Happiness

    Happiness is… Poor Job should have had a cupcake of the week.


     

    The Story of Job

    I would like to tell you this morning the story of Job.

    Once upon a time there was a good man named Job who lived in the land of Uz.  He had 7 sons and 3 daughters, a sign that he was especially blessed.  He not only had sons, but he had the special number of 7.

     

    John & Gang

    John with Mary, Jean, and Jan.

     

    One day Yahweh was walking around heaven talking with his buddies when he ran into the devil.  "What have you been doing?" he asked.  "I have been walking around here and there," the devil responded. 

    "Have you noticed how good my man Job is?"  "Yes,' says the devil, "but I bet he will curse you to your face if you stop protecting him and take away all his goodies."  "It's a bet," says Yahweh, "Just don't hurt him."

     

    Cupcakes

    Cupcakes of The Week to Geri, Mike, and Randolf with some little mice suddenly appearing.

     

    So a few days later while all of Job's 7 sons and 3 daughters where having a feast with their families, a storm blew up killed them all.  A messenger runs to tell Job of the horrible news. 

    Shortly after that, another messenger races in and says lightening has just killed all his sheep and the shepherds.   Other messengers then run in saying Job's livestock have been rustled by robbers who killed all the farm hands.

    Job is devastated, of course, but responds with the famous statement: "I was born with nothing, and I will die with nothing.  The Lord gave, and now he has taken away.  May his name be praised." 

     

    Cupcakes 2

    Even these characters get Cupcakes, John, Hue, Scott, and Tom.

     

    So Yahweh wins his bet.  But, when Yahweh and the devil meet up to settle their bet, the devil raises the stakes by saying that he bets Job will curse Yahweh if the devil is allowed to hurt his body.  Not death, just hurt.  "Bet," says Yahweh.

    The next day Job comes down with sores all over his body, like leprosy, and he has to go outside of town where the lepers go.  He sits in the town dump.  His wife now comes and his friends.  They all grieve. They also encourage Job to see what he has done bad.  Has he cursed Yahweh?  Confess and repent.  Job proclaims his innocence.  But he is depressed and discouraged. 

    (In East Africa I used to celebrate Mass for a small community of lepers.)

     

     

    Coffee Shoppe

    Ye Olde Coffee Shoppe with Class, thanks to Mike and Geri. Poncik moving in.

     

    Finally, while not cursing Yahweh, he cries out his anguish saying (chapter 3): 

    "Oh, God, put a curse on the day I was born; put a curse on the night when I was conceived!  Turn that day into darkness, God." (verses  2-4) 

    "I wish I had died in my mother's womb or died the moment I was born.  Why did my mother hold me on her knees?" (verses 11-12) 

    "Why let men go on living in misery?  Why give light to men in grief?" (verse 20) 

     

     

    Harper

    Harper says, "If you love me, you will give me a Cupcake. Right?"

     

    "Everything I fear and dread comes true.  I have no peace, no rest, and my troubles never end." (verses 25-26)

    After some time in this situation, Yahweh comes along and speaks with him:

    "Who are you to question my wisdom with your ignorant, empty words?  Stand up now like a man and answer the questions I ask you.  Were you there when I made the world?" (verses 2-3)

    "Job, have you ever in all you life commanded a day to dawn?" (verse 12)

    "Have you been to the springs in the depths of the sea?  Have you walked on the floor of the ocean? "(verse 16)

     

     

    Harper 2

    "Yes, I love you, Harper. Happy Cupcake."

     

    "Have you been to the place where the sun comes up or the place where the east wind blows?" (verse 24)

    After hearing all the numerous ways Yahweh reminds him of how insignificant he is, Job apologizes to Yahweh and promises to be a good boy from now on. 

    In an epilogue, which is considered a late addition, Yahweh restores his wealth and gives him 7 more sons and 3 more beautiful daughters.  He lives another 140 years a prosperous and happy man.

    Ever feel like Job?  How do you handle the feeling?

  • Sunday Homily 1-3-10, Epiphany (Magi Visit)

    Readings: Isaiah 60, 1-6; Psalm 72, Lord, Every Nation on Earth will adore You; Ephesians 3, 2-6; Matthew 2, 1-12.

     

    Isaiah 60: author, date, subject

     

    Author: 3 Isaiah (responsible for chapters 55-66)

     

    Date: ca. 400, after the Babylonian Captivity, ended ca. 550

     

    Subject: lines such as, Rise up in splendor, the glory of the Lord shines, people from the east will come with gold & frankincense.

     

    source: John Shelby Spong

     

    Mass begins 1-3-10

     

    The Great Debate: Myth vs Fact

     

    I have just had an epiphany event in my life.  I was visited by an old friend, a wise friend, maybe a wise guy friend.  He says, "Stack, you are a fraud."  You folks have known this all along.  He says that the homily I gave before Christmas on the Partridge in a Pear Tree was not true.  Sorry to have to tell you this.  The history was wako, did not happen.  As you can imagine, I was quite deflated, but figured he was right because he is more of a researcher than I. 

     

    So, folks, the old geezer fraud fesses up this morning.  I confess that I did not do any research on the subject.  Somebody sent it to me a few years ago, and I did not even save the name of the sender. 

     

    Kevin 1-3-10

     

    So, using my friend's research and my own, I discovered that maybe the symbols were connected to the old Christmas carol ca. 1990.  Apparently nobody knows.  It was pointed out that these symbols did not need to be secret because of persecution.  The Elizabethan protestants shared most of the same symbols.  No secret needed.  Plus the carol may have come from France.  So, everyone, erase that homily and the history I gave you.  I blew that one. 

     

    It struck me in the midst of this, could we be witnessing the creation of a myth?  100 years from now how many people will believe the version that I presented?  Could this be an example of what took place in the bible?  You have certainly heard that biblical scholars have determined that the nativity stories are the result of literary liberties taken by Luke & Matthew, not factual history.  I can give you two simple examples.

     

    Eshelbrenner 1-3-10

     

    First, Bethlehem.  It is thought that Jesus was really born in Nazareth.  But Luke & Matthew, the only writers dealing with the nativity, wanted to connect Jesus with King David.  David was born in Bethlehem.  It is pointed out that it is a long way from Nazareth to Bethlehem, it was winter, and Mary was pregnant.  A woman researcher commented, "Only a man would imagine such a journey possible for a pregnant woman."

     

     

    Why were people going to Bethlehem?  To be counted in a census of all the descendents of David.  David lived a 1000 years earlier, had many wives and mistresses.  His offspring would have numbered in at least the thousands.  No wonder there was no room.  And imagine how skitzy Herod would be with these thousands of potentially hostile subjects just a few miles from Jerusalem.

     

    Why did the writers use such literary liberties?  They want to show that Jesus was special, he was the figure 1 Isaiah predicted, the God-hero, the wonder worker, the Prince of Peace.  They had heard so much about the adult Jesus that they wanted to make his birth a God-hero event.  So, connect him with the Great King David.

     

    Finally, secondly, there is one small but significant mistranslation.  In Isaiah 7, 14, it is said, "A young woman will have a child."  Matthew, most likely intentionally to craft his point, mistranslates the word young woman as virgin, and says 'a virgin will become pregnant' (1, 23).  And so it has come down. 

       

    There are three ways to respond to these studies.  One is to say, "No problem, God can do all that stuff.  He's all powerful."   The trouble with this is that the evidence is becoming overwhelming.  Like still saying the earth is flat.

     

    Or I can simply toss out the whole and stay home.

     

    A middle ground could be to recognize that literary liberties have been used.  And still celebrate the event.  The event, the Prince of Peace gives me peace and gives me a longing to share the peace. 

     

     

    Chloe 1-3-10

     

    I goofed up by not researching the Partridge in a Pear Tree.  Sorry about that.  What we may be seeing here is a myth process similar to the biblical stories.  Myth or fact?  How can I be an educated, intelligent Christian?

     

    What do you think about all this?  What do you feel about it?

     

    Sources: John Shelby Spong; Harvey Cox, Future of Faith; Catholic Encyclopedia on line; Snopes

     

     

    Picture 1:  Epiphany Celebration begins

     

    Picture 2:  Mass with Kevin helping

     

    Picture 3:  35th Anniversary, Carol & Richard 

     

    Picture 4:  Chloe dances (see video)

     


     

     

  • Sunday Homily 1-2-13, 2nd Ordinary Time C

    Readings:

    Isaiah 62, 1-5,  The Lord delights in you.

    Psalm 96,  Proclaim his marvelous deeds to all the nations.

    1 Corinthians 12, 4-11, There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit.

    John 2, 1-11, There was a wedding at Cana in Galilee.

    Mass Begins 1-20-13

    The Team ready to begin our Mass.

     For those who don’t have a decent Bible or a book of the readings, here are two links that I use, The Bible at Your Fingertips (http://st-luke-church.org/bible-at-finger-tips.php) and USCCB, The New American Bible (http://www.usccb.org/).  

    The difference?  The first is Protestant more or less, and the second is officially Catholic and has the 12 little books in between the O.T. & N.T., called Deuterocanonical or Apocrypha. 

    Both are good translations.     

    Offertory 1-20-13

    Zurchin Offertory, Matthew, Claire, Chloe, Denni, and Tom

     Homily for January 20

     One of the three summer canoe trips that I used to organize each year at St. Mark was for the 13 and 14 year old children.  It was a three-day trip where we put in the Brazos River just south of Cleburne off highway 67 below the Boy Scout camp.

    Emma 1-20-13

    Emma arrives.

    On the third day all the adult team was aware of a stop we would make an hour or so before we would board the bus for home.  The young people would be tired and hot as they approached some water gently pouring over some limestone at probably 5 or 10 gallons a minute like a miniature waterfall. 

    They got terribly excited when they were told that it was a natural spring, cold and drinkable. The kids would take turns standing under it with their mouths open. 

    Georgie-Zoe 1-20-13

    Queen Zoe and Georgie arriving.

    2000 years ago a traveling Jesus and his disciples would have loved such water.  They would have used it drink and to dilute the wine that they had with them.  Travelers usually didn’t drink water unless it was living, flowing from a spring or recent rain.  They drank diluted wine.

    The OT Stories were written around things like living waters, wine and vineyards.  Since the gospels fulfilled the expectation of the OT for the coming of the Messiah, within them these symbols took on a deeper spiritual meaning. The vine became the symbol of Christ, living waters the symbol for the good news.

    Kara 1-20-13

    Kara arriving.

    Since the word, wine, is present in most, if not all, of the books in the OT, we should expect that the wine in today’s gospel would be a symbol for something terribly important…and it is.

    In the Mark gospel we are presented with this metaphor.  You don’t pour new wine into an old wineskin.  Anyone who ever left a wet handball or golf glove in the sun knows why.  You would find it stiff and hardened.  If you tried to pour new wine into them, the cracks in the leather would become revealed.  The wine would be lost; the leather also would be of no value.

    Buddy 1-20-13

    Buddy arriving.

    Therefore, Place new wine into new wineskins!  In the Story where you find that metaphor, you are introduced to the hardened hearts of the Pharisees and scribes who had rejected the good news and therefore the Holy Spirit that flowed forth from those living waters.

    Remember the Holy Spirit and the unclean spirits cannot coexist within a heart.  A new wineskin is the heart of someone who has repented and welcomed the new wine, the Holy Spirit.

    Brooklyn-Sienna 1-20-13

    Sisters, Brooklyn and Sienna

    So, now you pretty much know the meaning of the parable about the wedding feast in Cana of Galilee.  The old wine gave out because God sent to us his only begotten Son with new wine. The empty jars used in the purification rite within Judaism that had been empty, barren, now would be fulfilled by living waters, to the brim…from which would pour forth the Holy Spirit. 

    IMG_0260

    Cupcakes of The Week (2 of 5), Kevin (17) and Claire and Ray (42nd).

    What one thing would I like for you to take away from the gospel today?  

    The Greek word for the servants who assisted Jesus in today’s gospel is used for male or female, diakonia. We are to understand that they were manifesting the Holy Spirit to those at the wedding feast of Cana by their words and actions. 

    Toy Land II 1-20-13

    Toy Land with Hannah and Beth, Zoe, Torri, and Emma.

    You might have felt distanced by Nancy’s 2nd reading if you were wondering who those people are in our assembly.  We are those people!   Those who proclaimed the Word; those who serve at the table, those who distribute from the table; those who wash and fill the cups; those who bake the bread; those who set the table with gifts; those who lead us in song; those who give and distribute our gifts to those in need; those who visit the sick; those who extend the sign of peace to one another.

    We are his body, blessed and broken for each other.

     

    Tom 1-20-13

    Tom presenting 4th quarter financials.

     

     

     

  • Sunday Homily, February 17, 2008, 2nd Lent

    Readings: Genesis 12, 1-4; Psalm 33; 2 Timothy 1, 8-10; Matthew 17, 1-9.

    Genesis: Like last week we have a selection from Genesis.  I mentioned that 5 main characters make up the book, Adam & Eve (& family), Noah, Abraham, Isaac, & Jacob.  Last week we looked at Adam & Eve & how the author thought bad might have entered the world.

    Today we look at how the Jewish people thought their nation came into existence.  Abraham is like George Washington.  He is seen as divinely appointed, just as the people thought they were divinely appointed.  Remember, these events took place ca. 1500 B.C.

    Unpack Your Backpack

    The last two weeks we talked about two secrets to making a marriage relationship successful.  The first secret was Never Divorce, Murder Often, meaning divorce is a non-negociable, while playful murder is healthy.  Divorce is considered only when the three "A’s" enter: abuse, addiction, adultery.

    Tom_z

    Last week we said that there are No Perfect Marriages, only Perfect Moments."  Had any perfect moments this week?  The transfiguration talked about in today’s gospel was a perfect moment.  I would consider the two as synonymous.  Perfect moments are transfigurations.

    Today’s secret: Unpack Your Backpack.

    What does this mean? 

    First, put all your junk out on the ground.  No hidden deals, nothing kept hidden in the backpack.  This junk includes embarrassments, longings, and fears.  Those fears of being rejected, of being stupid and ugly, of heights, of lightning, anything. 

    One thing I don’t encourage people to talk about: previous relatiionships.  My idea is that these relationships are no longer lying around in the backpack.  They were dumped out months or years earlier and only create tension if they are brought out and shared with the person I love now. Nothing is accomplished by talking about previous relationships.  In fact, a certain amount of uncertainty can creep in, especially if the person listening is even slightly insecure.

    Secondly, the hidden package in the backpack.  What is it?  My defenses.  What does it mean. Disarm.  Lay down thy defenses.  Frustrations and annoyances creep into a relationship.  Not dealt with they become sore spots.  I get hurt, get offensive, get hurt again, then get more defensive.  I become crabby & irritable or passive aggressive.  Passive aggressive means I am really mad, aggressively riled up, but show it by not talking.  This can go on for hours, sometimes days.  I can get into this & Rosemary calls me on it.  Which is a gift.

    Occasionally when talking with a couple I find that each one is blaming the other.  Then one will say, "on that occasion, yes, I was passive aggressive."  Or, "Yes, I wanted to hurt you."  When I hear this, I cheer.  The person has just laid down arms. The person has admitted, confessed, let it out of the backpack.  Then a new relationship can begin.

    Thirdly, what about frustrations and irritations that creep into the backpack, like I just talked about and that lead to defensive positions?  Don’t bury them in the backpack.  How do I get a place where I can disarm?  Three steps.

    Denni_z

    • Talk about what is frustrating me or irritating me.  A Behavior?  Driving, eating, neatness, responsibility for house chores, and so on.  Use "I" statements as much as possible instead of "You, you, you" statements that blame.  "I’m uncomfortable when…"  This has to be done not in the heat of the irritation, but later when I am peaceful and the setting is peaceful.
    • Then I can make a request for a change.  "Could we talk about driving?"  "I feel scared when…"
    • Next, acceptance. Some things may not get changed.  Then what?  Dump the relationship or be defensive all my life or accept?  I cannot expect all the behavior changes to be changed.  Thus, I got to change, if I want to have a relationship.  Acceptance of the other has to be part of a relationship, whether between spouses or friends.

    As I mentioned last week this is pertinent to friendships, just as much as marriages.

    With whom do I have this kind of relationship and how am I keeping my backback clean?

    AUDIO: http://mysite.verizon.net/reso7rjy/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/2008-02-17.mp3