Sunday Homily, July 30, 2017,17th Ordinary Time A

Readings:

1 Kings 3:5, 7-12,  Give your servant an understanding heart.  

Psalm 119,   Lord, I love your commands.

Romans 8,  28-30,  We know that all things work for good for those who love God…

Matthew 13, 44-52,  Kingdom Parables

 

Kevin and John

Kevin and John ready to start Mass.

                                               

Homily:

 

We heard of Solomon’s call to be king of people of God

We heard in Paul’s Letter our call to be “conformed to the image of Jesus” 

And we heard in Matthew the parables about putting the treasure buried in a field and the pearl of great price ahead of everything else we could have.

                                                                                                             

Offertory

The Offertory helpers, Bill, Paul and Carrie.

                                                        

Our word for today is asking how we hear our call and how do we answer our call?

I remember the answer I was given growing up (long long ago), hearing it in sermons and in weekend retreats at Grand Coteau, Louisiana. We were told that we are called to be holy and holiness was presented as perfection— You know the quote from Matthew: “Be you perfect as your heavenly father is perfect”. According to Matthew Fox, in his book Original Blessing, the quote from Matthew’s Gospel, “Be you perfect…”, does not refer to moral perfection and does not have here the later Greek meaning of being totally free of imperfection. The word ‘teleioi’, translated as “be you perfect”, actually meant “to be full-grown, to be complete or whole”.

                                                                                                                                    

Music 1

Our musicians, Celeste, Shonda and Ben.

                                                                               

Remember also how we were given the lives of the saints, in which they were portrayed as achieving perfection and we were taught to imitate those perfect people. The lives of the saints inspired me, but there was no way I could live up to the idealized stories of their lives of perfection. Going to seminary at age 18 and to a monastery at age 22 was how I chased after the ideal of holiness as perfection.

Remember also how we were taught to make an examination of conscience, detailing everything we thought or did wrong–not about what we thought or did that was good or generous or loving or courageous or compassionate, not how we were becoming more full-grown or complete. The implication was that we were lacking and in sin almost all the time; that was scary folks. We were told we were imperfect, not holy, and I took that to mean I didn’t measure up, I wasn’t good enough. We were taught that there was a time, in the beginning when our original parents were in a paradise and were good/perfect, and connected to God. But that in Adam we sinned and were separated from God.  

                                                                                                                                                         

Georgie and  Michelle

Georgie and Mom, Michelle.

 

What if we came to learn in the last 400 years, like Matthew Fox did, that there was never a state of perfection in our world, that creation in our universe has been going on for 20 billion years and that our universe has been expanding all that time, and is this moment expanding at unimaginable speed. It’s not really about being perfect.

In all creation beauty and imperfection go together. Every tree is beautiful, but if you get up close you will see that every tree is imperfect. The same is true of the human body. Every human body is beautiful, but every human body is imperfect. In creation, in nature, imperfection is not a sign of the absence of God. It’s a sign that the ongoing creation we are part of is no easy thing. We bear scars from the living process, and we can and must celebrate those scars, those imperfections.

                                                                                                                                                                        

Zoe

Georgie's sister, Zoe.

 

My take on updating the idea of holiness includes thinking about how we accept imperfection, including our own, and about how we are growing, not to be perfect, but to be more complete, more whole, more caring for ourselves and others and more caring for mother nature and our place in the universe.

Yesterday I was visiting a friend who, when I said I was doing the Mass today, asked what my homily would be about and I said holiness. My friend said, I just finished watching a Ted Talk by Ann Lamont, a favorite author of mine. She said “Laughter is carbonated holiness.”

 

Question: How do you think of ‘holiness’ in our time?

 

Tori

Georgie's sister, Tori.

 

 

Buddy

And Georgie's brother, Buddy. 

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    Readings: Acts of the Apostles 2, 42-47; Psalm 118; 1 Peter 1, 3-9; John 20, 19-31

    Intro to the Readings – 2nd Sunday of Easter

     Our first reading today is from Acts of the Apostles.  Remember this is part 2 of Luke’s story of Jesus and the Early Church, part one being his Gospel.  In Acts, Luke picks up the story right after the Resurrection.  He repeats the short piece about the Ascension, but the main body of Acts deals with the spread of the Good News to the Gentile World.  Our reading today is early in the story and is a kind of interlude about the early Christian church in Jerusalem. 

     

    Penny 5-1-11 
    The few verses in today’s reading give us what I will call an idyllic view of that community.  And interestingly Luke, writing to a Greek audience uses a word in today’s reading, which only appears here in the Bible, but is commonly used in Greek literature to describe a kind of Utopian society.  I mention this because we could easily feel discouraged when we listen to what that early community was like and then reflect on our own community here today in 2011.  But for Luke’s original readers, this community is the one described by Plato, Ovid and other Greeks as the ideal community where all possessions are shared. 

     There is one other item worth noting in the reading and that is the four actions of this early community, the teaching of the apostles, fellowship, breaking of bread and prayers.  These are a great summary too of what Jesus did in his life.

     The second reading today is from the First Letter of Peter.  It was written to the churches in what is today Turkey and Syria.  The communities are having a tough time due to their faith, although they are not being persecuted yet.  Peter’s letter offers them great encouragement.  He probably wrote it around the year 64 from Rome. 

     Offertory 5-1-11

    Second Sunday of Easter 2011 – Homily

    Today, after we pray the our Father and a few other short prayers I will turn to you and say “ the peace of the Lord be with you all” but what is that ‘peace’?  I think we have a clue from the gospel just read.  To get a better understanding we need to look closely at what is happening in John’s gospel. 

    Our reading today comes from the second half of Chapter 20.  Chapter 20 begins with the words “it was very early in the morning on the first day of the week, and still dark, when Mary of Magdala came to the tomb.”  By the way, chapter 19 ends with Jesus being laid in the tomb.  So we know we are on Easter Sunday morning.  What John’s Gospel proceeds to do is show that faith in the resurrection comes slowly.  Jesus’ disciples were not expecting it.  So when Mary finds the tomb empty her immediate conclusion is someone has taken the body.  Peter and another disciple, the ‘beloved’ disciple show up after Mary told them what she had discovered, and we are told they saw the garments, and that the ‘beloved disciple’ saw and believed, nothing about Peter believing yet. 

     Leo 5-1-11

     And then we have today’s reading.  It is the same day, but evening.  They are all in a locked room, afraid of the Jews.  So I have to wonder, how big an impact had this early ‘faith’ of the beloved disciple had on the group.  By the way, Mary did see a gardener whom she recognizes when he calls her by name, but I suspect her story was put down to the rantings of a grieving woman??  So Jesus appears in the room, and twice says “peace be with you”.  What is this peace?  He immediately breathes on them, and remember an earlier breathing – in the book of Genesis, when God breathes on the clay and forms man, we now have God again breathing and forming new men!  People filled with the Holy Spirit.  In human terms I feel that this “peace be with you” had the same effect as when a child wakes up in the night crying and a parent wraps them in their arms and says “its OK, I’m here with you”.  The child feels safe. 

     

     Wendy's Parents 5-1-11
    The resurrection, belief in the resurrection, makes us different people.  Yes it is the leap of faith, not a solid provable fact, but that faith gives us a hope, and a security that nothing can really harm us.  It is what gave the apostles the courage to go out and face that group of hostile Jews.  It is what brings us here this morning. 

     Remember in the first reading today from Acts, that little early idylic community which Luke described, we are not that different.  We come together to break bread, to pray, to learn the teaching of Jesus, and we do share our possessions.  This morning we will be giving anther $2,000 to the CCAC and also some money to the Plano Homes, and those are just two small examples of sharing our possessions.

     So today at our mass, when I say “the peace of the Lord be with you all” reflect for a moment before we offer each other the sign of that peace, do you feel like the child, wrapped and safe?

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  • Sunday Homily, February 16, 2020, 6th Ordinary Time

     

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    Readings:

    Sirach  15, 15-20, Before man life and death, good and evil

    Psalm 119,  Blessed are they who follow the law of the Lord.

    1 Corinthians 2, 6-10,  What eye has not seen.. What God has prepared for those who love him.

    Matthew 5, 17-37  If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out.

     

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    Observations:  on Sirach

    What:  This is one of those 12 odd books in between the Old and the New Testament.

     Author: a Jewish teacher called Joshua.  The only identified author in the whole Old Testament.  He tells us who he is, that he is a teacher, lived in Jerusalem, and traveled a lot.  It seems he put his work together while running a school in Alexandria, Egypt.

     

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     His grandson translated the Hebrew work into Greek.  This Hebrew text was lost for centuries until the 19th century, when 2/3 of it was found in Cairo.  Then other portions were found in Qumran and Masada, as late as 1964.

     Date: composed around 175 years before Christ.  About 90 years before Christ the Jews put together their official bible, but excluded Sirach because they could not find the Hebrew version, only the Greek. 

     

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     Christians accepted the book as part of their bible in the 2nd century after Christ.  The Council of Trent (keep 1555 in mind as a date) officially accepted it, making it part of that extra 12 books called the Apocrypha or Deuterocanonical.  Martin Luther rejected the book & so do many Protestant congregations today.

     Subject Matter: practical ethics, duties.  Beware of the either / or spirituality presented.  Also, what about unconditional love??

     

     

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    Subject today: you may choose good or bad.  Beware of the either / or spirituality presented in the reading.    All is either good or bad.  No in between or both, which is more what we all are, both good and bad.  

    It can be simplistic & Pelagian, that is, it is all up to you and you have all the strength needed to choose good.  Pelagians thought that you had to EARN your salvation.  Therefore, the more religious stuff you did, like the more Masses, the more pilgrimages to the church & shrines, the more novenas & rosaries,  the more merit you win for yourself.

    Psalm 119: the longest of all the psalms.  A focus on observance of the laws, decrees, and statutes.

     

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    Matthew 5:  a continuation of the Sermon on the Mount. Note the figures of speech called “antitheses,” namely, “You have heard it said, but, I say to you.”  4 even 5 times.  Matthew is trying to establish the authority & authenticity of Jesus.

    See if you can find any unconditional love in this passage?  

    Sources: Good News Bible; New Interpreter's Bible; Reginal Fuller, S.J., David Westberg, S.J., & Larry Gillick, S.J., St. Louis U. Liturgies, on line; Wikipedia .

     

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    We have been here before, Folks.  In fact, Mike says to me, “So, are you going to start with that same story again?”  Yes, Everybody, we begin with that same story.  Just a quick reminder.  Here we go.

    When I was studying theology in Toronto years ago, like maybe 1970, an article came out in the local newspaper.  Some guy had read the passage saying that if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away.  He did it, folks. 

     

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     In this passage from Matthew there are five pieces of advice to the early Christians which taken literally can get a person all messed up.  Is there a positive as well as a negative to each? 

    Two observations before I touch the five.  I have mentioned this so often that I hope you are not worn out.  First, infinite demand and infinite acceptance.  Watch out here for a lot of infinite demand.  I’ll give a positive & a negative for each.  Secondly, God, unconditional love.

     

     

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    Matthew’s five pieces of advice are 1. breaking the least commandment,  2. getting angry,  3. looking at a woman, 4. divorce, and  5. swearing.  Here goes.

    • Matthew says that if you break the smallest commandment you will be the least in the kingdom.  Moreover, unless you are better than the Pharisees, you will not even get into the kingdom.  The positive here is that the bar is set high.  The negative is that all, all of us sinners will be kept out. It creates scruples and obsessive compulsive behavior.  

     

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    • Secondly, if you get mad at me and call me a fool, you are going to Hell.  I love it.  The positive here is the call to anger management.  I am challenged to know that all feelings are okay and need to be controlled.  The negative is that it gives me the idea that anger is not allowed, so stuff it.  Trouble is, it does not stuff well.  Not like a sleeping bag or tent.  It pops up in unexpected places.
    • Looking at a woman with lust.  The positive here is teaching respect for all people.  This advice, written by men for men, was attempting to gain some respect for women who were looked upon as property.  I found this in Tanzania & Kenya.  Rosemary read me an article about some guy who cut off his wife’s ears and nose for reporting him for abuse.   The negative is that it teaches us that feelings are sinful.  In the old days, we thought we looked at a girl and we were going to hell.  This is doubly sad because I don’t think there is a hell anyway.

     

     

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    • Divorce is adultery.  The positive is that it reinforces the unity of marriage.  The negative is that people stay in abusive or addictive marriages long after it may even be safe.  Divorce is failure and we all fail sometimes even in tragic ways.  In order to escape using the word divorce the Catholic Church comes up with the more convoluted word Annulment.
    • Swearing.  The positive is that it involves politeness and respect for others.  Even if I am okay with my anger I do not swear at someone.  The negative is that it tightens us up.  We forget the therapeutic value of cussing, maybe a healthy & fun way of releasing anger.  The healthy Jesuits I lived with certainly partook of this therapy. 

     

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     The overall danger in these pieces of advice is that we really get messed up, forgetting two things.  First they are presenting infinite demand and they make no mention of infinite acceptance.

    Secondly, where is the God of unconditional love?

     The poor guy in Toronto who blinded himself is an example of how we can mess ourselves up with goofy religion.  

     Where are you with these ideas?

     

     

  • Sunday Homily 4-5-09, Palm Sunday

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    • Greeks had the goddess Nike bestowing palms on winners of competitions.  There was a legend that palm trees were so strong that they could stand erect even when burdened with a heavy load.  The winners were seen to have overcome heavy loads to win. 

    • People in East Africa, Tanzania, Kenya, & Uganda, even today use palm branches and banana plantation leaves to celebrate at parades.

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  • Sunday Homily for November 4, 2018, 26th, Ordinary Time & All Saints

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    Readings:  

     Deuteronomy 6, 2-6,  You shall love your God.

     Psalm 18,  I love you Lord, my strength

     Hebrews 7, 23-28,  The law appoints men subject to weakness to be priests.

     Mark 12, 28-34,   Which is the first of all the commandments?

     

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    Deuteronomy observations:

    1.  The work is the last of the 5 books of the Pentateuch, following Genesis,  Exodus, Leviticus, & Numbers.

    2.  The work is organized as a series of addresses given by Moses to the people of Israel in the land of Moab, where they had stopped at the end of the long wilderness journey and were about to enter and occupy the land of the Canaanites.

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    Pittsburgh

    Jerry Rabinowitz, 66, worked as a primary care physician, was deeply active with HIV victims especially when it started, infamous for his bow ties.

    Cecil Rosenthal, 59, and his brother David, 54.  Cecil was outgoing & gregarious while David was more self contained.

    Richard Gottfried, 65 neighborhood dentist, married with a Catholic wife.

     

     

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    Irving Youger, 69, when you walked into the synagogue, Irving was the first person who would welcome you and help you find your seat.  He had been a little league coach and a real estate agent.

    Daniel Stein, 71, and retired.

    Joyce Fienberg, 75, a research specialist at the U. of Pittsburgh, petite with huge personality.

     

     

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    Melvin Wax, 88, full of jokes, a passionate Pittsburgh Pirates fan, was always in a good mood.

     

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    Sez Leo, "Welcome in, Folks."

     

    Rose Mallinger, 97, spry, vibrant, full of life, sharpest wit, with her family being everything in her life.

    Judah Samet, 80, Hungarian, was in the parking lot, saw the shooter.  He survived the Nazi holocaust as a child of 6.

     

     

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     Even with the massacre of Pittsburgh, we will give thanks this month.

     

  • Sunday Homily 11-9-08, Lateran Basilica

    Readings:  Ezekiel 47, 1-12; Psalm 46; 1 Corinthians 3, 9-17; John 2, 13-22

    Mass 11-9

    Why the Lateran Basilica?

    If you are like me, when you heard that today we celebrate the Dedication of the Lateran Basilica in Rome, you want to say, "What??"  "What has that got to do with me, with my life?"  I even got a call from our man Federico asking if we were having our Mass at the Lateran Basilica today.  It would have been fun.

    I do not remember doing any research on this celebration in the past.  This is due partly, I discovered, to the fact that the celebration always takes place on November 9, which does not show up on Sunday very often.  My research did give me an idea, however.  Namely, that we are exploring our roots today, like we search out our family trees.  Today we explore an ancient, prominent ancestor of our religious family tree.  Two observations: the meaning & the story.

    1.  First, the meaning of 'basilica.'  In Roman times a basilica was a large rectangular hall where the Romans met for business or meetings.

    From what I can discover, when a church or chapel is designated by Rome a basilica, it is an honorary title, like a priest being named a monsignor.  There are five or six levels of basilicas & churches.  On the most elemental level is the church or chapel, like St. Mark's or All Saints.  Then comes a minor basilica.  This could be like the Basilica of Guadalupe in Mexico City.  The first basilica in the U.S. is St. Mary's in Minneapolis and it is, I think, a minor basilica.  Above a minor basilica is the bishop's cathedral.  For instance, while Mexico City has the Basilica of Guadalupe, the Bishop's cathedral is in the Zocalo, the center of the city.  The cathedral may simultaneously be a minor basilica and it is where the bishop has his throne and special altar.

    Next comes the papal basilica, which has a throne & altar that only the pope uses and which is used by others with the pope's permission.  Then a major basilica of which there are only 4 in the world, all in Rome, Mary Major, Paul outside the Walls, St. Peter's, and our subject today, the Lateran. 

    Finally we have at the top, an arch-basilica.  One only in the whole world.  The Lateran.  Why?  Age & historical significance. 

    McGraths 11-9

    2. The story.  In the time of the Caesars & Jesus the place where the Lateran is had two buildings.  One was a fort & residence for the special calvary that defended the emperor.  These guys chose to defend the emperor against Constantine around 300.  He, of course, won and destroyed their fort.

    Next to the fort was a palace owned by the Lateran family, the members of which worked as administrators in the government.  Constantine married a woman named Fausta and with her came the palace.  Constantine did not need it, so he gave it to the Christians to whom he granted freedom to worship in 313, a big date in Christian history.

    Legend had it that Peter had said Masses around the area and he had used a table that still existed 300 years later.  The Christians built a church where the fort was, placing in it the table Peter had used.  They used the Lateran palace as a residence. This church, therefore, became the first Christian church in the whole world.  It was not built over a tomb like St. Peter's or St. Paul's, but it had the table. 

    Around this same time along comes Constantine's pious mother, whom I mentioned recently, because she had discovered where Jesus' cross stood and built a church there, the Church of the Sepulcher. She also found what she thought were the steps in Pilate's house which Jesus had climbed for his trial.  She moved the marble steps to Rome and set them up in the Lateran, where they are today. This is around 313 A.D., the famous year. 

    Consequently, for the next 1000 years the popes lived in the Lateran Palace and used the church as their cathedral.  Want to know what happened at the end of 1000 years?  The Avignon Papacy: for about a century, 1300 to 1400, the popes lived in Avignon, France.  With two, sometimes three rival popes, this is a story worth telling, but another Sunday. 

    When the popes returned to Rome around 1400 they continued to use the Lateran Basilica as their primary church, the bishop of Rome's cathedral, but they lived at St. Peter's because the Lateran Palace had deteriorated badly in their 100 year absence.  The popes still reside at the Vatican Palace and still use the Lateran Basilica as their #1 Cathedral.

    The Lateran Basilica was sacked by the barbarians in the 5th century, destroyed by an earthquake in 900, burned twice in the 15th century, and last remodeled in 1730.  In the 10th century it was dedicated to John the Baptist, in the 13th century dedicated to John the Evangelist, and since it had also been dedicated to Christ, its official title as the mother of all churches in the world is the Lateran Basilica of Christ our Redeemer, John the Baptist, and John the Evangelist.

    So what?  What is this?  Churches or temples or sacred places go back to the dawn of our evolution as humans.  Outside Mexico City are the temples of Teotijuacan,'  whose builders not even the Aztecs of 1521 seemed to know (the year the Spaniards & Cortes arrived).  In Egypt up the Nile River are the temples of Luxor, near which was found the tomb of Tutankhamen.  These temples go back 2000 years B.C. 

    Churches used to be sanctuaries.  You could run there if the law was after you.  Today the sanctuary is more spiritual and psychological. We go into such a sanctuary to calm our spirit, to converse with God, to regain perspective on life.  Granted these temples can equally be found outside, like in Yosemite.  I find there the same peace and perspective.

    Tom 11-9

    I also think it is fun and fascinating to look back at our religious family tree, to get in touch with our Christian roots. 

    Today we celebrate an ancient ancestor in the Lateran Basilica.  It has been a sanctuary of peace for many of our ancestors. 

    Where do you find your sanctuary of peace and perspective?

    AUDIO:  http://mysite.verizon.net/reso7rjy/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/2008-11-09.mp3

    Picture 1: Mass with T.J. serving

    Picture 2: Bob & Jackie McGrath (54th Anniversary) and Maggie McGrath & Chloe Zurchin

    Picture 3: Tom Quinn and his granddaughter

     

     

  • Sunday Homily for September 9, 2018, 23rd Ordinary Time, B cycle

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    Thanks for bringing up our gifts this morning, Carrie & Paul & Mike.

     

     

    Readings:  

     Isaiah 35, 4-7,  Be strong, Fear not.  (Isaiah at his best!)

    Psalm 146,   Praise the Lord, My Soul.

     James 2, 1-5, Did not God choose those who are poor?

    Mark 7, 31-37,  His speech impediment was removed.

     

     

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    Thanks, Dearest Zoe, for lighting our candles this Sunday morning.

     

     

    Isaiah observations

     

    This selection is from Isaiah 1.    It is a time when Judah, the southern kingdom, is threatened by a powerful neighbor, Assyria (ever hear of this place today?)  Isaiah saw that the real threat to the life of Judah was not simply the might of  Assyria, but the Kingdom's own evil ways.  Guess what is coming, the Babylonian Captivity. 

    Today's passage is much more on the hopeful side.

     

     

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    Thanks for reading our Blessing of The Candles this morning, My Dearest Georgie.

     

    Be Strong, Fear not.  He comes to save You.

    I want to talk this morning about fearing not and being strong, because he comes to save us.

    The summer of 1970 was the summer before I got ordained here in Dallas.  I had two more years of theology study in Toronto.  That summer of 1970 I was interning as a chaplain at Boston City Hospital in a Pastoral Counseling program run by Andover-Newton Theologate.

     

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    Welcome in, Natalie & Jim. 

     

     

    I lived in the Jesuit  residence in Dorchester.  There were about 4 of us Jesuits.  Because a great Jesuit of the house worked with the kids of the neighborhood  our house was a total safe zone.  The younger kids would look through the windows of the dining room & living room during meals and when we had guests.  We told them your car will not be touched if you park here and they know you are friends.

    Remember the Plow Shares 5 and the draft board burnings that Summer?  One of the guys lived with us.

     

     

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    I got The Best Team.

     

     

    Every morning I would get up and walk to the hospital through the somewhat famous Roxbury area of Boston.  I never had a problem.  They knew who I was.

    My day consisted of visiting patients, typing up interviews verbatim, and taking part in rather confrontational group sessions of 5 or 6 with a supervisor.  I think I came close to getting kicked out for refusing to redo one of my verbatims. 

    My most favorite part of the day was visiting the patients.  I loved this dynamic.  There were some powerful sessions.

     

     

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    And we got The Best Music.

     

     

    I remember especially one old tough white Bostonian, a former Catholic.  I asked him what became my favorite question, How do you feel about dying?

    For a day or so he said, No problem.  Another day he tells me I’m going to hell when I die, but so be it.

    You know why.   He and his first wife had divorced years ago.  He  married his recently deceased wife and had kids and a 25 year  happy marriage.  

     

     

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    For Hue our Total Community Blessing on your operation this Wednesday.
     

     

    I could not believe it.  This may have been my first with this phenomenon.  I had already concluded that hell was a gimmick of the writers of the time and did not exist.  It was good for keeping in line the people of the tribe.

    Would you have sent that guy to hell, for ever? 

    What about you?  Where you going?

    I think the old guy died peacefully.

     

     

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    Okay, Joe, can we trust you to get that birthday cupcake home to Marsha. 

     

    On The Light Side:   (A little old, but still good)

     

    On their way to the church to get married, a young Catholic couple 
    were involved in a fatal car accident.

    Being good Catholics the young couple find themselves sitting outside 
    the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

    While waiting, they begin to wonder: could they possibly get married 
    in Heaven?

    When St. Peter finally showed up, they asked him.

    St Peter said "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. 
    Let me go find out" and he leaves them sitting at the Gate.

    After three months, St Peter finally returns, looking somewhat 
    bedraggled. "Yes" he informs the couple " I can get you married in 
    Heaven".

    "Great!" said the couple "But we were just wondering, what if things 
    don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

    "You must be joking" says St. Peter, red-faced with 
    frustration, slamming his clipboard on the ground.

    "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple".

    "OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted "It took me three months to find a 
    priest up here …..Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find 
    a lawyer?"

     

    Blame Ken Cramer for this, not Me!