Sunday Homily, April 27, 08, 6th of Easter
Readings: Acts 8, 5-17; Psalm 66; 1 Peter 3, 15-18; John 14, 15-21.
Conditional or Unconditional Love?
On the west coast there is a writer named David Sheff who wrote a book about his son Nic. The book is called Beautiful Boy. In turn, Nic wrote a book about his own experience of growing up, a book called Tweak.
When Nic was 11 years old he got totally drunk for the first time. During his four years in high school, he continued down this path, drinking, smoking pot, and experimenting with drugs. On graduation Nic entered the world of methamphetamines and he plunged toward the bottom. Tweak refers to the condition of a person on meth, totally strung out.
David tells in his book how for 2, maybe 3 years he refused to accept that his beautiful son was a drug addict. On numerous occasions, after Nic had been gone for weeks on end, David would get Nic into a rehab program. Nic would rehab for a month or two, come out and stay clean and sober for three or four days, then disappear into his meth world for another stretch.
Nic got so desperate he would break into his dad’s house and into his dad’s friends’ houses to steal money or items to sell. At a really low point he stole $8 from his little brother Jasper. All this helped him to feel lower than dirt, but he was obsessed about his addiction.
During the first two years, David worried constantly and would welcome Nic home whenever he showed up or called for help. Only slowly with the help of counseling, consulting, and Al Anon did he begin to believe in the tough love concept. He told Nic he could not help him with money & bed, only get him into rehab.
During one long clean & sober period it looked like Nic had turned a corner. He even gave Jasper $8 and wrote him a touching apology. Shortly after that, he disappeared again.
I watched David mature in this book. Though a loving father, in the beginning he was a poor parent and self indulgent. As Nic spirals downward, David continues to love. But he matures and his love matures. Which brings me to a subject I’ve been hearing about & reflecting upon, conditional vs unconditional loving. The Gospel brings up the idea. Did David ever love Nic with unconditional love? How would I see it? What would be the signs?
Three comments about conditional & unconditional love:
1. Have you ever noticed how the Bible is full of conditional love statements? Look at today’s Gospel. "If you love me, you will keep my commandments." "Whoever has my commandments and observes them is the one who loves me." Also, John 15, 10 & 14. "If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love." "You are my friends, if you do what I command you." Sounds very conditional and parental.
In other places there is talk about the sheep and the goats and the unquenchable flames. The Old Testament is one long story of a jealous Yahweh. Many tragedies befell the Hebrews because they did not show enough honor to Yahweh.
2. Does Jesus show us the face of an unconditionally loving God? In his words? What we hear today is pretty conditional. What about his actions?
What if God is an unconditionally loving God, or an unconditionally accepting God?
3. How do I become unconditionally loving? Do I want to? As a parent? Two observations:
a. Is unconditional love made up of unconditional acceptance? I think so. Tough. Is there a distinction between accepting the person and accepting the actions, e.g., addiction and abuse? I think so. It is how tough love comes into play.
b. Is unconditional acceptance of another influenced by unconditional acceptance of myself ? I think so. David had a hard time with guilt. He felt guilt, I think appropriately. He was told the 3 C’s: you did not cause it, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it. Nonsense. I see regularly and believe in the miracle of cure, cure of the spirit, cure of the heart. And I can accept that I cause harm to other people.
In summary, I would suggest that we become more spiritually whole the more we love unconditionally.
Whom do you love unconditionally?
AUDIO: http://mysite.verizon.net/reso7rjy/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/2008-04-27.mp3