15th Sunday in Ordinary Time, July 12, 2020

Readings:

1 Kings 3:5, 7-12,  Give your servant an understanding heart.  

Psalm 119,   Lord, I love your commands.

Romans 8,  28-30,  We know that all things work for good for those who love God…

Matthew 13, 44-52,  Kingdom Parables

 

Kevin and John ready to start Mass.

                                               

Homily:

 

We heard of Solomon’s call to be king of people of God

We heard in Paul’s Letter our call to be “conformed to the image of Jesus” 

And we heard in Matthew the parables about putting the treasure buried in a field and the pearl of great price ahead of everything else we could have.

                                                                                                             

The Offertory helpers, Bill, Paul and Carrie.

                                                        

Our word for today is asking how we hear our call and how do we answer our call?

I remember the answer I was given growing up (long long ago), hearing it in sermons and in weekend retreats at Grand Coteau, Louisiana. We were told that we are called to be holy and holiness was presented as perfection— You know the quote from Matthew: “Be you perfect as your heavenly father is perfect”. According to Matthew Fox, in his book Original Blessing, the quote from Matthew’s Gospel, “Be you perfect…”, does not refer to moral perfection and does not have here the later Greek meaning of being totally free of imperfection. The word ‘teleioi’, translated as “be you perfect”, actually meant “to be full-grown, to be complete or whole”.

                                                                                                                                    

Our musicians, Celeste, Shonda and Ben.

                                                                               

Remember also how we were given the lives of the saints, in which they were portrayed as achieving perfection and we were taught to imitate those perfect people. The lives of the saints inspired me, but there was no way I could live up to the idealized stories of their lives of perfection. Going to seminary at age 18 and to a monastery at age 22 was how I chased after the ideal of holiness as perfection.

Remember also how we were taught to make an examination of conscience, detailing everything we thought or did wrong–not about what we thought or did that was good or generous or loving or courageous or compassionate, not how we were becoming more full-grown or complete. The implication was that we were lacking and in sin almost all the time; that was scary folks. We were told we were imperfect, not holy, and I took that to mean I didn’t measure up, I wasn’t good enough. We were taught that there was a time, in the beginning when our original parents were in a paradise and were good/perfect, and connected to God. But that in Adam we sinned and were separated from God.  

                                                                                                                                                         

Georgie and Mom, Michelle.

 

What if we came to learn in the last 400 years, like Matthew Fox did, that there was never a state of perfection in our world, that creation in our universe has been going on for 20 billion years and that our universe has been expanding all that time, and is this moment expanding at unimaginable speed. It’s not really about being perfect.

In all creation beauty and imperfection go together. Every tree is beautiful, but if you get up close you will see that every tree is imperfect. The same is true of the human body. Every human body is beautiful, but every human body is imperfect. In creation, in nature, imperfection is not a sign of the absence of God. It’s a sign that the ongoing creation we are part of is no easy thing. We bear scars from the living process, and we can and must celebrate those scars, those imperfections.

                                                                                                                                                                        

Georgie's sister, Zoe.

 

My take on updating the idea of holiness includes thinking about how we accept imperfection, including our own, and about how we are growing, not to be perfect, but to be more complete, more whole, more caring for ourselves and others and more caring for mother nature and our place in the universe.

Yesterday I was visiting a friend who, when I said I was doing the Mass today, asked what my homily would be about and I said holiness. My friend said, I just finished watching a Ted Talk by Ann Lamont, a favorite author of mine. She said “Laughter is carbonated holiness.”

 

Question: How do you think of ‘holiness’ in our time?

 

Georgie's sister, Tori.

 

 

And Georgie's brother, Buddy. 

Readings: Zephaniah 2, 3; 3, 12-13; Psalm 146; 1 Corinthians 1, 26-31; Matthew 5, 1-12.

Zephaniah: The three chapters of the little book of Zephaniah were composed some 6 centuries B.C.  The theme is a common prophetic line: doom is the lot of the people because of their evil ways and eventually Yahweh will restore his people to his favor.  Note that the Babylonian defeat & captivity will come in another half century or so.

Preparation for a Great Lent: 7 Secrets of Marriage

I do not know how many times I have mentioned in here that because of being married I know I am a better, more integrated, and more peaceful person, priest, and psychotherapist.  As a way of making Lent different and more positive this year, I was thinking I would like to run a series of homilies on marriage.  I feel like a novice in this enterprise and like to tap the wisdom of some of you couples who have 30, 40, 50, and 60 years of marriage, like we witnessed last cinco de mayo when we had our annual anniversary party at Fairview Farm. 

However, in doing some reading on this subject, as well as considering my own experience married and likewise as a marriage counselor, I have put together Seven Secrets of Marriage.  We may run past Lent, but it really does not matter. 

Today’s Secret is: Divorce?  Never!  Murder?  Lots!

The first part of this is serious.  The second, play.  Marriage is entered into with the determination that it is forever.  I know lots of couple who started out with this determination, but did not carry through because the commitment wavered.   Commitment to make it work, which involves communication and murder, lots of it.

Murder is what I want to do when I don’t get my way or get hurt.  The temptation is to go passive aggressive or just plain aggressive.  What about to say instead, "I want to murder you."  I say this before I get too angry & too hurt.  It is a joke & used as a signal to let the other person know I have a problem.  It builds and is built on an atmosphere of play. 

Any reason for divorce?  Yes.  The three A’s: abuse, addiction, adultery.  A comment about each one because they are seldom black-white.

There are different shades of abuse, for example, verbal and physical.  Physical abuse is a blow or slap & is never tolerated.  One blow, out of there.  One blow always leads to others.  Once started and the poison is planted.  The temptation: this was a one time event because of stress.  The rule is clear: one blow is one too many.  Get out, get help.  Verbal abuse is tougher to deal with because it can range from cynical put down jokes to screams and temper tantrums.  It kills relationship & friendship.  When the yelling is accompanied by breaking things.  Watch out.  Dangerous.

Addictions, too, are hard to determine.  First of all, almost all addicts deny they are addicts. Secondly, what are the deadly addictions?  Alcohol and drug addiction are considered deadly.  However, what if my spouse only gets drunk or high on week ends?  Is one or two bottles of wine, or a six pack alcoholism?  What about addictions like work, or smoking, or TV, or exercise?  One thing for sure: treated & dealt with early reduces later family dysfunction. 

Adultery is often considered a black-white issue.  It happens, I’m gone.  Healthy.  What happens when the person gets into recovery, regrets and reforms?  And wants the marriage to be reestablished?  How does forgiveness and acceptance figure in here?

Of the three A’s, physical abuse is the most toxic and the easiest to respond to.  Out.  I have worked with couples who have dealt with the other forms of the A’s and because of their determination to avoid divorce, they have gotten into recovery and lived healthy lives. They might even have gotten to a point where they could play at murdering each other. 

How is you marriage going?

AUDIO:  http://mysite.verizon.net/reso7rjy/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/2008-02-03.mp3

Readings: Exodus 17, 3-7; Psalm 95; Romans 5, 1-8; John 4, 5-42

Exodus: After two weeks in the first book of the Bible, today we move to the second. The book basically tells the heroic struggle of Moses to get the Hebrew people out of Egypt, where they had gone because of the drought in their land some decades or centuries before.  Moses is considered the author.

Today’s reading makes an enormous jump from the story in Genesis about Abraham’s call to an episode after the exodus where the people are angry with Moses for taking them out of Egypt into the drought of the desert.  See how Yahweh saves the people and Moses.

Whatt??  You Want a Date??!!

Decades ago when my younger sister Kathey & I were little kids, we used to love Saturday nights.  On those nights we had fun harassing poor young baby sitters.  Or, later as we grew older, we had fun causing mischief by ourselves.  Because every Saturday night our parents went out to have fun.

This is one of my most favorite memories & stories that I have mentioned to people getting married for the past 30 plus years I’ve been doing weddings.  I remember a time when I must have been around second or third grade.  The second world war was over and my dad was probably going bankrupt.  He had worked before the war in paper products.  When the war broke out and paper was scarce he opened a coffee & donut shop on Ervay St. in down town Dallas.  The Mercantile Bank was being built and he was doing well.  When the bank finally opened his business went in the hole because all the workmen moved elsewhere. 

I had started school at University Park Elementary, then moved to Christ the King when they built a school.  I remember being anxious that I was going to have to return to University Park, because we could not afford the Catholic school.  I actually never did return.

All during this time I can remember my folks going out on Saturday nights.  They had a lot of friends, of all sorts of religions, something odd for those days, thinking back on it.  Occasionally the group would come to our house those Saturdays and I enjoyed that just as much.  The people were accepting and fun to hang around. 

I think this was part of what kept my parents going.  They had fun and they had fun at least once a week.  I often tell married couple, "You have fun once a week, and you won’t have to end up in Stack’s therapy office." 

One of the fun things my parent’s loved, I heard mentioned yesterday morning on The People’s Pharmacy, 6:00 A.M., Saturday (note credit).  A doctor describing how to live a long & healthy life suggested dancing as an excellent form of exercise.  My mom & dad, especially my dad, loved to dance.  I wish I could see how they did swing dancing, which was popular during their time.

I often ask couples who come to my office when was the last time they had fun.  They look at me like I am loco.  This is Dallas.  People work and work.  There is no time for fun.  Fun will come when we retire.  In Dallas people lose their health to make money, then lose their money to restore their health.

Consequently, the fourth suggestion for having a great marriage is to have a weekly date.  Get some friends together, go out, go dancing.  Date!  Once a week!  Good times, bad times.

When was your last date, the next?

AUDIO:  http://mysite.verizon.net/reso7rjy/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/2008-02-24.mp3

Readings:

Isaiah 9, 1-6,  The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light.

 Psalm 96,  Today is born our Savior, Christ the Lord.

 Titus 2, 11-14,  The grace of God has appeared.

 Luke 2, 1-14,   In those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus.

 

 

Christmas Eve, 2016, Welcome.

 

Isaiah observations:

What:  This is again Isaiah I (one of three).  Isaiah 1 criticizes the people for their sinful ways and forecasts doom, which will come in the form of the Babylonian Captivity.

When: Isaiah was warning the people ahead of the Captivity, ca. 555 before Christ.  It was during the Captivity when the book of three authors was put together.

Today's selection: One of the all time beautiful passages promising light to people who have walked (or lived) in darkness.  

All of today's readings are consoling and dear.

 

 

Cody with his kids Ben and Olivia.

 

A Christmas Story

Despite the fact that I have told this story previously, I like it so much and it is so relevant, I would like to repeat it.  

I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that.”

 

 

Jennifer and her beautiful little one say, "Merry Christmas."

 

My  Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight up with me. I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her "world-famous" cinnamon buns. I knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true.

Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus?" she snorted…."Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad!! Now, put on your coat, and let's go." 

 

 

The Beautiful Claire and her beautiful daughter, Chloe.

 

"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second world- famous cinnamon bun. "Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's. 

 

Carrie and Paul with her granddaughter, her daughter and husband.

 

I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping.

For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and whom on earth to buy it for. I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the kids at school, the people who went to my church. 

 

Hi to the Great Gerwer Clan.

 

 

I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class. Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out to recess during the winter.

His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough; he didn't have a good coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat! 

 

 

Sir Charlie helping his grandson light up the candles.
 

 

I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that.

"Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down. "Yes, ma'am," I replied shyly. "It's for Bobby." 

 

The Nativity Scene.

 

The nice lady smiled at me as I told her about how Bobby really needed a good winter coat. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag, smiled again, and wished me a Merry Christmas.

That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible) in Christmas paper and ribbons and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it.

 

 

The music team of Shonda, Ray, and David with a special welcome back to Wendy.

 

 

Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially, one of Santa's helpers.

Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."

 

 

John reading the second half of the Eucharistic prayer.

 

I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his door and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma.

Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby. 

 

The Team, Georgie, Kevin, Mike, and John

 

Sixty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes. That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were — ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and Grandma and I were the proof.

I still have Grandma’s Bible with the coat tag still tucked inside: $19.95.”

 

 

 

And The Angels.

Readings:

Sirach 35, 12-14, 16-18,   The Lord hears the cry of the oppressed.

 Psalm 34,  The Lord hears the cry of the poor.

2 Timothy  4, 6-8, 16-18, I have finished the race.

 Luke 18, 9-14,   The Pharisee and the tax collector.

 

Says Liam, "Welcome in, Everybody.  Thanks for coming to my party."

 

 

Sirach observations:

What: Again we take up one of the books of the Apocrypha, the 12 books written in Greek and not originally considered part of the Bible.  This book is basically a collection of Jewish wisdom statements and teachings, like, "A father who loves his son will whip him often, so that he can be proud of him later." 30, 1

Who:  Joshua, who was translated from Hebrew into Greek by his grandson.

Date:  ca. 200 years before Christ.

Our selection in chapter 35 talks about the nature of god and what happens to the person who serves god.  It sets up Luke's parable about the pharisee & the tax collector in the temple.

 

 

 

Kevin, too, says, "Hi, Folks, Come in."

 

 

Casey’s Convenience Store

In Iowa there is a chain of convenience stores.  Everywhere in the towns.  These little stores are like our 7-11’s, but they don’t sell gas.   They are called Casey's.

It took me my first year riding RAGBRAI to discover how helpful these little places could be.  I found out, for instance, that for $1.10  I could get a large coffee in the morning.  Plus, they had all the typical foods that convenience stores carry.

So, one morning on this past summer’s week long ride, I woke up right around dawn, put my wet tent in a plastic bag, rolled up my sleeping bag and thermarest air mattress, stuffed them in my foot locker, and placed the locker next to our bus. 

 

 

Cole, our semi-pro Candle Lighter, at work.

 

The other 25 members of our group were just getting up when I pulled away from the curb and headed to the nearby Casey’s for my coffee.  I pulled in and was surprised that only a few bikers were outside drinking their coffee.  Usually these little places are mobbed for coffee.  But our campsite was 4 miles from the center of this little town.  It was the third morning, I think.

I walk in and, feeling terrific about the fun of the day ahead, I said “Good Morning” to the young girl at the cash register.  She barely looked up and perhaps only grunted a response. 

 

Welcome back, Diane & Norm.  So good to see you two.

 

 

I am sort of disappointed because I myself feel so great.  I am feeling, also, somewhat negative toward the girl.  To further turn me off of her was that I noticed she had tattoos on her arms.  Sorry, folks, this is a weakness of mine.  But, at that moment, I felt pretty critical.

I get my coffee and approach the girl to check out. We are the only two in the store.  I decide to take one more shot, so I ask her, “How you doing?” 

She starts crying!

 

Kevin & Georgie, you got to let Buddy know that he needs to look like he is at least fascinated by whatever nonsense that old guy is saying.

 

Suddenly, I am no longer in my superior, critical mode.  I begin to listen.  Turns out her mother is home dying of cancer, she had a tough night, and the girl has to work to keep making money to live on.  She had even tried to get a substitute for a couple of hours.  No one was available. 

Know that, after being so critical of that girl, I was ready to volunteer to work at that Casey’s for a couple of hours to let her go home, plus give her the hourly wage.  I probably would not have done it, but I mentioned it to her and she said I would have to be a registered employee.

 

 

Welcome to Lindsay, Ontario and to the  spectacular fall color display from last week.  

 

So, after relating to the girl like that pharisee in the parable, I left quite humbled and disappointed in myself.  Next time, please don’t be so arrogant.

With whom do you relate as did the Pharisee? 

 

 

Last Tuesday we had this color display.  Wednesday & Thursday, rain.  

Readings: Genesis 18, 1-10; Psalm 15; Colossians 1, 24-28; Luke 10, 38-42

Genesis: the word means "origin," and that is what the book details.  Our selection today comes after the creation, Cain & Abel, Noah & the flood, & the tower of Babel.  The big three patriarchs: Abraham, Isaac, & Jacob. 

In our reading Abraham is now old, as is Sarah, his wife. They have no son. After their hospitality to two strangers, guess what happens?

Activist or Contemplative?

The years I lived in Tanzania I used to travel constantly giving retreats & seminars.  When I finished a stretch, I would return to our little Jesuit house near Kilimanjaro to catch up on perhaps 2 or 3 months of mail, to work up more seminar material, and to relax. 

One morning I was working at some task at my desk next to a front window when I saw the car of one of my best friends coming in the gravel drive.  He was a French Canadian priest who, when he was not working with me on one of our programs, lived in Dar es Salaam, the capital of the country.

As soon as I saw him I remember feeling uncomfortable.  As Rosemary says, I can get anal about projects. I am sure that morning I had my time all mapped out with various projects.  My friend’s arrival meant he had driven up from Dar es Salaam and I was going to have to go be hospitable for a while. Maybe he wanted to spend the night.  We did not have phone service, so you could not communicate.  You just showed up and the African custom was hospitality above all, day or night.

Somehow I must have managed, and I can’t even remember how long he stayed. 

All the people in the world are divided into one of two categories: activist or contemplative.  Today we call it Type A or Type B.  We are born into our group, like being right or left handed.  Both groups have their positive characteristics and their negatives. 

Type A, for example, is efficient, economic with time, likes to start on time and finish on time. As you know, I am Type A.  When I notice we are running over an hour with our Mass, I get antsy.  Type A people get energy from projects and love to tackle problems and challenges.  The energy enables these people to work long hours, even without breaks. Work schedules are established and followed. When you were in school, did you turn in term papers early or start work the night before they were due? Type A’s turn in early.

The down side is summed up in the slogan, "Projects over People."  Whatever I was doing that morning was more important than greeting my good friend.  It is hard for me to stop and chat with a neighbor when I am mowing the grass.

The contemplative, on the other hand, is laid back.  Projects can be postponed for suitable reasons without stress. Starting & ending on time is easy, no stomach knot if late. A day off can begin without any schedule other than waiting to see. Type B’s can focus on whomever they are with in a very complimentary way. Being over doing. 

The weak side of the Type B, of course, is accomplishment.  That term paper may not get in on time because it was begun just last night. Meetings can start late and go on without limit. 

We have cultures that lean one way or the other.  Tanzania was more contemplative.  People were patient.  Hospitality, a prize. 

What about U.S. culture?  Obviously Type A. This, of course, makes it more difficult for a contemplative to live happily in the U.S.  Want to be a young lawyer, a CPA, go to SMU’s MBA program?  Total Type A life style. 

So which types do you think Martha & Mary were?  And the writer, what type was he? Of course, one type can drive the other type crazy. My sympathy goes out to Martha because I’ve been in her shoes.  The writer obviously thinks the contemplative Mary is better. But really? I admire Martha for voicing her complaint, even though she gets shot down.

Actually, self redemption and maturity involves me as a Type A moving more into the contemplative side of the continuum. And vice-versa. The unredeemed Type A turns into a driven obsessive.  The unredeemed contemplative spends life doing nothing.

One of the things I have learned to do is take time off during which I do nothing.  Funny thing, even during this time, I will find myself setting a goal to read, say, fifty pages of a book today. I have to say to myself, "No, Stack, stop that." I can pull this off in Mexico or Italy or at Clare & Joe’s in Hilton Head.

It would be fun to bring in someday the Myers-Briggs Personality Indicator and offer it to the whole community, then explain it for a few Sundays.  I taught this in Tanzania. You might find out more about yourself, and see how your type is good, whatever it is, Martha or Mary.

What type do you think you are? How do you know?

AUDIO: http://mysite.verizon.net/reso7rjy/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/2007-07-22.mp3