Readings: Acts 8, 5-17; Psalm 66; 1 Peter 3, 15-18; John 14, 15-21.

 

Conditional or Unconditional Love?

On the west coast there is a writer named David Sheff who wrote a book about his son Nic.  The book is called Beautiful Boy.  In turn, Nic wrote a book about his own experience of growing up, a book called Tweak.

When Nic was 11 years old he got totally drunk for the first time.  During his four years in high school, he continued down this path, drinking, smoking pot, and experimenting with drugs.  On graduation Nic entered the world of methamphetamines and he plunged toward the bottom.  Tweak refers to the condition of a person on meth, totally strung out.

David tells in his book how for 2, maybe 3 years he refused to accept that his beautiful son was a drug addict.  On numerous occasions, after Nic had been gone for weeks on end, David would get Nic into a rehab program.  Nic would rehab for a month or two, come out and stay clean and sober for three or four days, then disappear into his meth world for another stretch. 

Nic got so desperate he would break into his dad’s house and into his dad’s friends’ houses to steal money or items to sell.  At a really low point he stole $8 from his little brother Jasper.  All this helped him to feel lower than dirt, but he was obsessed about his addiction.

During the first two years, David worried constantly and would welcome Nic home whenever he showed up or called for help.  Only slowly with the help of counseling, consulting, and Al Anon did he begin to believe in the tough love concept.  He told Nic he could not help him with money & bed, only get him into rehab. 

During one long clean & sober period it looked like Nic had turned a corner.  He even gave Jasper $8 and wrote him a touching apology.  Shortly after that, he disappeared again. 

I watched David mature in this book.  Though a loving father, in the beginning he was a poor parent and self indulgent.  As Nic spirals downward, David continues to love.  But he matures and his love matures.  Which brings me to a subject I’ve been hearing about & reflecting upon, conditional vs unconditional loving.  The Gospel brings up the idea.  Did David ever love Nic with unconditional love?   How would I see it?  What would be the signs?

Three comments about conditional & unconditional love:

1.  Have you ever noticed how the Bible is full of conditional love statements?  Look at today’s Gospel.  "If you love me, you will keep my commandments."  "Whoever has my commandments and observes them is the one who loves me."  Also, John 15, 10 & 14.  "If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love."  "You are my friends, if you do what I command you."  Sounds very conditional and parental. 

In other places there is talk about the sheep and the goats and the unquenchable flames.  The Old Testament is one long story of a jealous Yahweh.  Many tragedies befell the Hebrews because they did not show enough honor to Yahweh.

2.  Does Jesus show us the face of an unconditionally loving God? In his words? What we hear today is pretty conditional.  What about his actions? 

What if God is an unconditionally loving God, or an unconditionally accepting God?

3.  How do I become unconditionally loving?  Do I want to?  As a parent?   Two observations:

     a.  Is unconditional love made up of unconditional acceptance?  I think so. Tough.  Is there a distinction between accepting the person and accepting the actions, e.g., addiction and abuse?  I think so.  It is how tough love comes into play.

     b.  Is unconditional acceptance of another influenced by unconditional acceptance of myself ? I think so.  David had a hard time with guilt.  He felt guilt, I think appropriately.  He was told the 3 C’s: you did not cause it, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it.  Nonsense.  I see regularly and believe in the miracle of cure, cure of the spirit, cure of the heart.  And I can accept that I cause harm to other people.

   

In summary, I would suggest that we become more spiritually whole the more we love unconditionally.

Whom do you love unconditionally? 

AUDIO:  http://mysite.verizon.net/reso7rjy/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/2008-04-27.mp3

Readings: Acts 6, 1-7; Psalm 33; 1 Peter 2, 4-9; John 14, 1-12.

Acts:  This is another example of stories from the early Christian Community.  On this occasion, the community is selecting from the community seven people, men, who will help free up the priests to do preaching.  The seven chosen are like deacons.

A Chosen Race, a Royal Priesthood

Two things happened to me in Italy that came to mind when I saw this line in Peter’s letter about being a chosen race and a royal priesthood.

First, in Rome on our last evening before departing this past Friday.  It was about 6:30.  All four of us were planning to celebrate sunset at 7:45 and the end of our trip with a glass of wine on the rooftop of our 4-5 story, 500 year old palace & convent.  A great vista point for the city.

Rosemary & I had taken a stroll and were coming home crossing the little plaza next to our convent, when a young Italian boy about 17 came up to me and in Italian asked me where the Pantheon was.  This delighted me for two reasons.

First, he must have thought I was more of a local, not an American tourist.  Ever since my time in East Africa I have always tried to blend in, not stand out as from elsewhere.  That was hard in Tanzania. Secondly, because of the first, he spoke to me in Italian. I both knew what he asked, and I knew how to respond and guide him to the Pantheon, which I half walked him to because it was fairly near.  For a last nighter, this was a gift.

The other event took place on a high point in Florence a week earlier.  Again Rosemary & I had taken a stroll in the early evening while others rested & before going out together.  I was exploring and had climbed a hill to see if I could spot a good place to see the sunset over Florence.  I had heard about this place from one of the sisters at the Florence convent we were staying in.  There were a series of steps in a switch back pattern leading up to a secondary basilica, called St. Miniato.  The steps were quite a climb, with the basilica steps going straight up.

At one point Rosemary is wandering around & I am sitting at the very top, my legs hanging over the marble balustrade.  I am looking over Florence & watching a rain storm approach from the west when I see a little man stooped with osteoporosis start to climb the steps way below me.  He has a dark overcoat on and he uses an umbrella as a cane.  He leans on the balustrade on his left.  Slowly & steadily he climbs until he reaches the top, turns right, and starts to pass near me. 

As he approaches I say in Italian, "Congratulations on climbing the steps."  I reach over and shake his sweaty little hand.  Bent over, he looks up and says, "What?"  I repeat and he asks me who I am.  After I tell him he says, "Are you Italian?"  I am complimented, but say, "No, I’m not Italian.  I am American."  "Oh, bahh," he exclaims and goes on his way.  I am slightly deflated. 

As Peter says in his letter, we are all chosen, we are all a royal priesthood.  Royal does not grab me, but priesthood does.  Sometimes we feel more chosen, more priestly, sometimes we feel more rejected and certainly not royal. 

The 17 year old boy chose me out of all the people in that plaza and asked for help.  In the priest context, I was able to help & guide him.  This experience is common to all of us.  I chose to compliment the little man in a priest context, but he rejected me.  Another common experience to all of us.  Because we are all chosen by God, we are all called to priesthood.  The challenge is to continue to congratulate, help, & guide the next person.

How are you doing this?

AUDIO: http://mysite.verizon.net/reso7rjy/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/2008-04-20.mp3 

Readings: Acts 2, 42-47; Psalm 118; 1 Peter 1, 3-9; John 20, 19-31.

Acts: This book basically tells the story of the early Christian community.  Biblical scholarship considers the book idealistic in great part.  It was what they hoped the community would look like rather than what it was.

Do Not be Unbelieving, But Believe 

It dawned upon me a day or so ago that 2008 is a 50 year anniversary for me.  August 15, 1958, I entered the Jesuits at Grand Coteau, LA.  This, coupled with meeting up with David Cardenas last week, another guy who entered the Jesuits, though a few years after me, all has had me reflecting on our lives as young Jesuits before Vatican II.  Three thoughts.

First, there was a neat spirit among the 25 or so guys I entered with, as well as in the whole Jesuit identity.  There were a couple of odd clerical guys, but I was impressed with how typical my classmates were. 

Secondly, we lived a rigorous monastic life.  Silence, formal prayer times, work, study, and three recreation afternoons, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays.  We wore a black cassock & cincture or we wore long sleeved shirts and long pants, even to play touch football & baseball in 100 degree heat & Gulf Coast humidity.

The two hardest physical labors I ever experienced: riding a tractor on a cold day and harvesting corn silage in August heat.  There were three silage jobs, picking up the cut corn stalks, shoving it into the grinder, or walking around inside the silo while the silage rained down on you from the hole in the roof. 

The third thing I remember which amuses and embarrasses me is the penitential practices we were expected to use, especially in Lent & Advent.  There were a variety of practices, but two stand out.  One was the scourge.  We had these little light rope whips which we used on ourselves before going to bed like on Friday nights.  Since we lived in large dorms in cubicles it was amusing, of course, to hear just before lights out at 10:00 the scourges being used. 

Secondly, we were given little wire chains with the wire ends poking out on one side.  You put that around your thigh with the ends poking in.  You put it on when you woke up and wore it until after breakfast.  I’ll tell you, it was amusing to see your buddies discomfort, all in silence. 

The rationale for the penance was based on the old philosophy of dualism: flesh bad, spirit good.  In order the keep the flesh from bringing down the spirit, discipline it, make it hurt.  Then the spirit will grow and strengthen.  What got me through was the light spirit of amusement of my classmates, the fantastic 3 hot  meals every day, and because I believed.

The overall training made me grow up quickly.  I look back now, however, am somewhat embarrassed, and ask myself how could I believe in some of those practices.  And I know.  It was believe, believe in the process, in the company, in those who have gone through this before me, and look at them, how successful they are.

Doubting Thomas, the subject of our Gospel today, is a hero of mine.  I think I would like to have been more like Thomas in those early years.  Which would have been impossible at the time, I know.  In fact, I think the training itself ultimately gave me the self-confidence and intellectual curiosity to enable me to have doubts & questions.  For example, I have doubts about the emphasis on penance, to say nothing about the philosophy behind the penance.

The danger with the "do not be unbelieving, but believe" statement is that it may be a "do not think" statement.  I become a sheep following the footsteps of whoever is in front of me with a feeling of security.  Doubts can be scary, questions confusing.  However, they are normal and healthy.  Without them I am less than healthy.  Thomas can be a model for us.  "Show me the evidence."

Like Thomas what are your doubts & questions?  And how do you feel about them?

AUDIO:  http://mysite.verizon.net/reso7rjy/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/2008-03-30.mp3