Readings: Acts 2, 42-47; Psalm 118; 1 Peter 1, 3-9; John 20, 19-31.
Acts: This book basically tells the story of the early Christian community. Biblical scholarship considers the book idealistic in great part. It was what they hoped the community would look like rather than what it was.
Do Not be Unbelieving, But Believe
It dawned upon me a day or so ago that 2008 is a 50 year anniversary for me. August 15, 1958, I entered the Jesuits at Grand Coteau, LA. This, coupled with meeting up with David Cardenas last week, another guy who entered the Jesuits, though a few years after me, all has had me reflecting on our lives as young Jesuits before Vatican II. Three thoughts.
First, there was a neat spirit among the 25 or so guys I entered with, as well as in the whole Jesuit identity. There were a couple of odd clerical guys, but I was impressed with how typical my classmates were.
Secondly, we lived a rigorous monastic life. Silence, formal prayer times, work, study, and three recreation afternoons, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays. We wore a black cassock & cincture or we wore long sleeved shirts and long pants, even to play touch football & baseball in 100 degree heat & Gulf Coast humidity.
The two hardest physical labors I ever experienced: riding a tractor on a cold day and harvesting corn silage in August heat. There were three silage jobs, picking up the cut corn stalks, shoving it into the grinder, or walking around inside the silo while the silage rained down on you from the hole in the roof.
The third thing I remember which amuses and embarrasses me is the penitential practices we were expected to use, especially in Lent & Advent. There were a variety of practices, but two stand out. One was the scourge. We had these little light rope whips which we used on ourselves before going to bed like on Friday nights. Since we lived in large dorms in cubicles it was amusing, of course, to hear just before lights out at 10:00 the scourges being used.
Secondly, we were given little wire chains with the wire ends poking out on one side. You put that around your thigh with the ends poking in. You put it on when you woke up and wore it until after breakfast. I’ll tell you, it was amusing to see your buddies discomfort, all in silence.
The rationale for the penance was based on the old philosophy of dualism: flesh bad, spirit good. In order the keep the flesh from bringing down the spirit, discipline it, make it hurt. Then the spirit will grow and strengthen. What got me through was the light spirit of amusement of my classmates, the fantastic 3 hot meals every day, and because I believed.
The overall training made me grow up quickly. I look back now, however, am somewhat embarrassed, and ask myself how could I believe in some of those practices. And I know. It was believe, believe in the process, in the company, in those who have gone through this before me, and look at them, how successful they are.
Doubting Thomas, the subject of our Gospel today, is a hero of mine. I think I would like to have been more like Thomas in those early years. Which would have been impossible at the time, I know. In fact, I think the training itself ultimately gave me the self-confidence and intellectual curiosity to enable me to have doubts & questions. For example, I have doubts about the emphasis on penance, to say nothing about the philosophy behind the penance.
The danger with the "do not be unbelieving, but believe" statement is that it may be a "do not think" statement. I become a sheep following the footsteps of whoever is in front of me with a feeling of security. Doubts can be scary, questions confusing. However, they are normal and healthy. Without them I am less than healthy. Thomas can be a model for us. "Show me the evidence."
Like Thomas what are your doubts & questions? And how do you feel about them?
AUDIO: http://mysite.verizon.net/reso7rjy/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/2008-03-30.mp3
