Readings: Genesis 2, 7-9, 3, 1-7; Psalm 51; Romans 5, 12-19; Matthew 4, 1-11.

Genesis: The great book: supposedly put together by Moses some 1500 years B.C.  The title means "origin." It is the first book of the bible, the first of the five first books that make up the Pentateuch, a Greek word, or Torah, for the Jews.  It covers ca. 2000 years of history and has 5 main characters: Adam (& family), Noah, Abraham, Isaac, & Jacob.

Today’s delightful little story tries to explain in simple terms how bad came into our world.  Guess how: it is the woman’s fault.  Could a man have put this little myth-story together?  A woman?  I invite you to read the book of Genesis.  It is fascinating.  Remember that it is myth, not literal.  Like, notice how many creation stories are presented.

No Perfect Marriages, only Perfect Moments

Last week we talked about the first of the Seven Secrets of Marriage, namely Divorce, Never, Murder, Always.  Meaning you can threaten your spouse with murder, which is play, but divorce is a non-negotiable with the exception of the three "A’s."  Remember the "A’s?"  Abuse, addiction, & adultery. 

This morning I would like to talk about this: No Perfect Marriages, only Perfect Moments.  Four observations. 

First, from childhood I think we all come to understand that there are no perfect marriages, while at the same time romantic movies, TV, and novels snooker us into false expectation.  Like,"When I find the perfect person, I will live happily ever after…"  False.  There can be, however, healthy marriages.  To have a healthy marriage, perfect moments are needed. 

Secondly, what are perfect moments?  Being a novice, I don’t always know, but I would suggest that when I have a perfect moment I have two feelings: peace in my spirit and affection for my spouse.

Some years ago a woman who was dear to me and who has passed away very unexpectedly described to me a set of her perfect moments.  Every night she & her husband would go to bed 15 minutes early and wake up 15 minutes early in the morning.  During the 15 minutes they would cuddle.  They would talk. They would ask each other about the day they just finished or the day ahead.  Any fears, any blessings, anything touch you, how are we doing, what next, and so forth.   It was her morning & evening perfect moment.

I wanted to do the same thing when Rosemary & I got married.  But, seeing as I started a little late and my shoulders and hips don’t have the flexibility to cuddle like I wished, Rosemary & I have a stand up hug every night before climbing into bed together, which is also one of my daily perfect moments.  We hold onto each other standing there in the dark and count our blessings of the day.

We had a number of perfect moments this past Christmas in Mexico, like taking out to lunch Maria Luisa & her daughter Karina, probably the first time they have eaten in a restaurant in maybe years. 

Another: our anniversary party every Cinco de Mayo, May 3 this year.  And dancing.  When we are on, it is perfect.

A third observation: perfect moments can happen.  They can also be set up to happen.  Some need to be set up.  Like Cinco de Mayo, like dancing, like cuddling in bed or hugging.  In other words, they take planning and discussion.  They are worth it.

A final observation: you can substitute the word "friendships" for "marriages."  Perfect moments can take place with friendships just as much as with marriages.  Like marriages, they also involve planning and effort.  There are no perfect marriages and no perfect friendships.  Only perfect moments.

What & when was you last Perfect Moment?  Your next?

AUDIO: http://mysite.verizon.net/reso7rjy/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/2008-02-10.mp3

Readings: Zephaniah 2, 3; 3, 12-13; Psalm 146; 1 Corinthians 1, 26-31; Matthew 5, 1-12.

Zephaniah: The three chapters of the little book of Zephaniah were composed some 6 centuries B.C.  The theme is a common prophetic line: doom is the lot of the people because of their evil ways and eventually Yahweh will restore his people to his favor.  Note that the Babylonian defeat & captivity will come in another half century or so.

Preparation for a Great Lent: 7 Secrets of Marriage

I do not know how many times I have mentioned in here that because of being married I know I am a better, more integrated, and more peaceful person, priest, and psychotherapist.  As a way of making Lent different and more positive this year, I was thinking I would like to run a series of homilies on marriage.  I feel like a novice in this enterprise and like to tap the wisdom of some of you couples who have 30, 40, 50, and 60 years of marriage, like we witnessed last cinco de mayo when we had our annual anniversary party at Fairview Farm. 

However, in doing some reading on this subject, as well as considering my own experience married and likewise as a marriage counselor, I have put together Seven Secrets of Marriage.  We may run past Lent, but it really does not matter. 

Today’s Secret is: Divorce?  Never!  Murder?  Lots!

The first part of this is serious.  The second, play.  Marriage is entered into with the determination that it is forever.  I know lots of couple who started out with this determination, but did not carry through because the commitment wavered.   Commitment to make it work, which involves communication and murder, lots of it.

Murder is what I want to do when I don’t get my way or get hurt.  The temptation is to go passive aggressive or just plain aggressive.  What about to say instead, "I want to murder you."  I say this before I get too angry & too hurt.  It is a joke & used as a signal to let the other person know I have a problem.  It builds and is built on an atmosphere of play. 

Any reason for divorce?  Yes.  The three A’s: abuse, addiction, adultery.  A comment about each one because they are seldom black-white.

There are different shades of abuse, for example, verbal and physical.  Physical abuse is a blow or slap & is never tolerated.  One blow, out of there.  One blow always leads to others.  Once started and the poison is planted.  The temptation: this was a one time event because of stress.  The rule is clear: one blow is one too many.  Get out, get help.  Verbal abuse is tougher to deal with because it can range from cynical put down jokes to screams and temper tantrums.  It kills relationship & friendship.  When the yelling is accompanied by breaking things.  Watch out.  Dangerous.

Addictions, too, are hard to determine.  First of all, almost all addicts deny they are addicts. Secondly, what are the deadly addictions?  Alcohol and drug addiction are considered deadly.  However, what if my spouse only gets drunk or high on week ends?  Is one or two bottles of wine, or a six pack alcoholism?  What about addictions like work, or smoking, or TV, or exercise?  One thing for sure: treated & dealt with early reduces later family dysfunction. 

Adultery is often considered a black-white issue.  It happens, I’m gone.  Healthy.  What happens when the person gets into recovery, regrets and reforms?  And wants the marriage to be reestablished?  How does forgiveness and acceptance figure in here?

Of the three A’s, physical abuse is the most toxic and the easiest to respond to.  Out.  I have worked with couples who have dealt with the other forms of the A’s and because of their determination to avoid divorce, they have gotten into recovery and lived healthy lives. They might even have gotten to a point where they could play at murdering each other. 

How is you marriage going?

AUDIO:  http://mysite.verizon.net/reso7rjy/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/2008-02-03.mp3

Readings: Isaiah 8, 23-9, 3; Psalm 27; 1 Corinthians 1, 10-17; Matthew 4, 12-23.

Isaiah: This great book continues for one more beautiful week.  Today we are presented with another vision of a people walking in light with joy and rejoicing.  Just a reminder: the visions in the book come from ca. 800 years B.C.

To what are You Called?

I would like to talk this morning about The Call.  Has anyone heard about a guy named Franz Jagerstatter?  This man was beatified last October in the cathedral in Linz, Austria.   He was Austrian, born in 1907 to poor farming parents.  He toyed with the idea of joining a monastery when he was 27, but decided his mother needed him to stay and help her with the farm.

At 29 he married Franziska and later said he could never have imagined that being married would be so wonderful.  The year was 1936.  Two years later you know what happened?  What happened in Austria?  Nazi Germany unified as it were Austria, and it became basically a state in Germany.  Coincidentally, Adolf Hitler was born in a small Austrian town neighboring the small town Franz was born in. 

With the Nazi take-over of Austria the arrest and exportation of the Jews began immediately.  The majority of the Catholic Church gave full and complete support to the Nazi take over and unification.  The diocese of Linz was an exception, and it was near Linz that Franz & his family lived and listened to the debate.  He was torn.  Some priests even encouraged Franz to get along, don’t endanger his family and keep his head down.

While Franz was struggling with his conscience, Germany spectacularly continued its unification plans, taking over Poland in ’39, France, and the Netherlands.  And arresting Jews.  In February,1943, just two years before the end of the war in May,1945, Franz got his orders to report for military service. March 2 he reported to the military base and refused to serve.  He was arrested and spent the next five months in prison in Linz.  In July he was found guilty of impeding the war effort and condemned to death.   August 9, 1943, 4:00 P.M., he was beheaded.  He was 36 years old.

Franz Jagerstratter heard The Call, Folks.  I am humbled by his example.

Jesus is walking along the lake.  He sees these rough fishermen and calls them to come along.  They do. We get the same call.   I am tempted to think the call is for that guy, for Franz, or someone else.  Not me.  Wrong.  We each get The Call.

To what are you called?

AUDIO:  http://mysite.verizon.net/reso7rjy/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/2008-01-27.mp3

Readings: Isaiah 49, 3-6; Psalm 40; 1 Corinthians 1, 1-3; John 1, 29-34.

Isaiah: Again we have one of Isaiah’s consoling messages.  This message focuses more on being called.  Remember, the writers of this book lived about 800 years before Christ.

I want to talk about Yahweh’s promise, "I will make you a light to the nations."

A Light to the Nations?  Me?

As many of you have noticed, after Mass & coffee a good percentage of our community reconvenes over at Costco on Central.  Where else can you get such a great free lunch?

When I am not watering trees after Mass, I normally drop Rosemary at the entrance, go fill the car with gas, and then wait for her in the parking lot while listening to Prairie Home Companion.  I love that program and almost always find myself laughing my head off.

Last Sunday Rosemary and I had gone to do our weekly shopping as usual.  I had filled the car with gas and was sitting in the parking lot.  At some point I noticed that an elderly man was wandering around the south side parking lot where I was sitting.  He had passed me already three or four times.  He would walk by me heading toward the Central side of the lot, then return.  Shortly he would do it again.  He had a couple of bags in his arms.  I’m watching him, thinking he must be confused, but I’m not doing anything.

Finally Rosemary arrives, I start up the car, and while we are pulling away I point out to her the man wandering around the parking lot.  I tell her I wonder if he is lost, confused, or suffering from dementia or worse. 

What does she say?  "Let me see if he needs some help."  So we turn around and she gets out.   They talk and together begin to walk around the parking lot.  I wait some more and finally she comes back.  She had helped him look for his car, which he said was a white Infinity.  Since together they still could not find the car, she informed the Cosco staff, who said they would help him.

This is it.  This is what Yahweh is talking about when he says, "I will make you a light to the nations."  It does not mean  lightning is going to strike.  It does not mean the other guy.   When I grew up the Christophers were a Catholic group that intended to light one candle instead of cursing the darkness.  Light one little candle was the theme.  I remember as a kid going with my dad to a rally in the Cotton Bowl, of all places.  It was evening, the lights were turned off, and everyone lit a candle.  I can still remember how beautiful it was.

Lighting the candle does at least two things.

1.  It touches the spirit of the person who receives the light.  That elderly man must have been touched when he saw Rosemary come across the parking lot to help him.  I was. 

2.  The effect is contagious.  When the person’s spirit is touched, he becomes a light and touches someone else.  So instead of the elderly man being angry and frustrated, he is peaceful and gracious.

I was rather confounded that I never thought about getting out and helping the elderly gentleman, but I was delighted that Rosemary immediately suggested she help him when she heard my thoughts. 

How are you a light to the nations?   

    AUDIO:  http://mysite.verizon.net/reso7rjy/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/2008-01-20.mp3